Directed by: Cirio H. Santiago
Actors: Pat Anderson, Lindsay Bloom and Tara Strohmeier
Country: Philippines | USA
Description:What the fuck is going on here? Some model bitches are sent to Hong Kong (read: the Philippines) by Mary Woronov for a fashion shoot. Experienced models Barbara (Pat Anderson) and Claire (Lindsay Bloom) are showing newbie Mandy (Tara Strohmeier) the ropes. Mandy was newly recruited to the crew by photographer Mark (John Kramer) who was looking for a new model to whom he could show his rope.
While Mark creates a hostile work environment for Mandy, Babs falls in love with a frog-like man with kung fu skills and a pompadour who likes to sport extremely wide collars. This strange amphibious Filipino humanoid is Ray Chua (Tony Ferrer) (referred to throughout the movie as Ray Chua notwithstanding the fact that few other characters have last names and no one else is named Ray or Chua). He is wrapped in mystery.
At this point you will be mostly bored, but somewhat intrigued. You will say to yourself “Cirio H. Santiago, what the fuck is going on here?” To assuage your confusion he will provide for you titties. Then the cover girl models will spin around in fashionable clothes to cheesy music.
Meanwhile Claire is looking to show some director guy she’s got acting chops. So she impersonates a prostitute. When that fails to impress she impersonates the druggy nympho daughter of the US ambassador. Which causes her to be kidnapped by a terrorist who starts to rape her, but then just drives her home. And then becomes her chauffeur for the rest of the film.
Cirio H. Santiago, what the fuck is going on here? Don’t worry confused viewer; please enjoy some titties.
While Claire becomes a political prisoner Babs becomes enmeshed in some sort of international espionage involving a communist dress, microfilm, the Red Chinese, the Taiwanese, and Ray Chua the Elvis Impersonating Ninja Pipe Layer. Don’t worry if that doesn’t make any sense to you. This is a movie to be experienced, not understood. Also Vic Diaz is going to do some scary criminal shit. And Mandy is going to become the most awesomest model in Southeast Asia.
Cirio H. Santiago you are balls deep in my mind right now!!!!
This is the time in the Cirio H. Santiago (Vampire Hookers) film when people with automatic weaponry begin shooting at each other. Also, let’s have some more cheesy music. And MOAR LEISURE SUITS!!!!
Here’s what you get:
[X] Kung Fu
[X] Cover Girl Models
[X] Almost Rape
[X] Vic Diaz & Mary Woronov
[X] John Kramer’s Miniature Secret Camera
[X] DANCE CONTEST!!!
[X] Tony Ferrer the Elvis Impersonating Ninja Pipe Layer
[X] Roundhouse Kicks to the Face
[X] Some Confusing Spy Shit
[X] AUTOMATIC WEAPONS!!!!